Performance review time

It is time to do performance reviews at work. My new supervisor and I got into a fairly philosophical conversation about goal setting and why it is important. He likened it to New Year’s resolutions. He mentioned that each year he writes a list and keeps it handy to remind him of the things he is trying to accomplish throughout the year. He good-naturedly admitted that some things have been on the list year after year, but that he still keeps striving toward that goal. I was about to say that I didn’t really buy into setting resolutions when I realized that I do. Of course I do. I do it all the time. I did it last year on this blog and vowed not to obsess over it by checking my progress. And I certainly kept that vow nearly forgetting all about them until now.

So I thought that I would give myself an evaluation on how I did and I’ll use a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest. Here goes:

First was: Improve my health and the boys’ health.

  • some form of exercise daily, even if it is just a walk
  • learn more about nutrition
  • train for and participate in the jersey girl triathlon
  • eating out/taking out less than once a week
  • go to the dentist–all of us!
  • go to the doctor for necessary checkup/physical/tests for someone of my age :)
  • finally quit smoking. for real. not even “every once and a while”

I made some progress but I have a long way to go. I’ve been good about the nutrition part and was good with the exercise too until the second half of the year. I did train for the triathlon, but felt I wasn’t ready when the time came (scaredy-cat). I managed to get one of us to the dentist after an infection scare and another one of us has an appointment this weekend which is good. Guess which of the three of us has yet to have an appointment scheduled? Curbing the eating out has been fairly successful, but I would like to cut it down even further. Going to the doctor for a checkup didn’t happen until I ended up in the hospital with a new heart problem, so I’d say that one was a pretty big fail. Same goes for quitting smoking altogether. All in all, I’d say there is room for big improvement.

Overall Grade: 4 Needs Improvement

2. Save Money

  • attempt to put enough money away out of my paycheck to fund “Operation Disney Christmas” (to be discussed in a later post)
  • additionally save some money for an emergency

Well, this didn’t happen at all. I did get us to Disney through a small miracle provided by my employer, but I didn’t save any money this year and I think all in all I am in more debt.

Overall Grade: 1 (I’d give myself a zero, but that’s a little harsh don’t you think?) I did manage to spend all of my money and do some pretty cool things so I would like to think I saved some money somewhere and just applied it elsewhere. However, the net result is I’ve got negative cash flow.

3. Be a Better Mom

  • cut out the yelling
  • let go of all the stuff i feel has to “get done” and spend more time just hanging out with the boys
  • write down all important dates, invitations, times, events, etc. so that I don’t MISS anything like I did last year
  • refuse to argue with 6-year-olds even if my decision/statement/action is unpopular
  • never skip bedtime reading because i’m too tired or they’re too naughty
  • put the “martyr” to rest
  • go after the child support that they deserve

So, this one isn’t so cut and dried. I do think I made some good progress. I still need to work on the yelling. I have been very cognizant of spending quality time with the boys and not being so crazed about everything else. This has resulted in a messy house that I bitch about a little too often, but there has been improvement. I have done well with writing everything down and we haven’t missed a single important event. We read more often than not and I have managed to get the child support ball rolling again. I still need to work on arguing with the boys and not being such a martyr.

Overall Grade: 6 Meh.

4. Write. A little every day. Even if it is just in a journal. And dedicate finishing NaNoWriMo to my dear angel friend Joel. (RIP)

Well, I didn’t do NaNoWriMo and do have an excuse reason, but it isn’t good enough. As for writing every day, I do write a lot for work and I come up with an excellent FB post from time to time, but that isn’t really in the spirit of this.

Overall Grade: 3 Needs Improvement

5. Be a better friend

  • make more phone calls to long distance friends
  • send more cards/letters/emails to keep in touch
  • make time for coffee, lunch, dinner, wine, movies, whatever…a couple of hours, every couple of weeks to keep friendships alive

So, this is an area where I feel I have really shined. I have been slacking off in the last couple of months but I am ready to renew the efforts. All in all, a solid effort!

Overall Grade: 8 Nice Work!

6. Be happy

  • avoid referring to the above list for the whole year and judging my progress
  • make mistakes and move on
  • laugh more
  • say “oh well!” and “who cares?!”  more
  • go to church
  • read the Desiderata & the prayer of St. Francis regularly

Ouch. well, I certainly avoided judging myself against this list but unfortunately it didn’t contribute to my overall happiness. I’ve been pretty good about the “making mistakes” part but need work on the “moving on”. I do not feel that my laughter has increased which is a real shame. It may have something to do with not saying “oh well” or “who cares?!” enough. I have been good about going to church and reading inspiring things and I have felt moments of pure happiness, but I would not say that 2012 was one of my happier years.

Overall grade: 5 I know I can do better than this.

I did accomplish one of my “bonuses” which was to furnish my living room. It made me feel very happy and accomplished until the cats chose the new couch for a litter box when I accidentally put the top on their box backward so they couldn’t get in. This created a whole other complexity to my life which I can’t even begin to get into in this post.

SO- the end result is not so great. About a 45%. I’ve NEVER had a grade like that. Except when I didn’t try. Ouch again. At work, my “grades” were all exceptional. How can the same person try so hard to excel at work and not be able to excel at herself. Guess I just need to work harder. And maybe I will need to “manage” myself like I would an employee who was churning out 45%. I would not give up on that person. I would help them, train them, and give them the tools to succeed. I would believe in that person. And I believe in me.

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