Where to begin?
I took a break from writing on this blog for a lot of reasons although right now none of them seem relevant. Because of this, I have decided it is time to get back on the horse.
I think I was struggling because I felt like I was not writing on the topic for which I started this blog: to document the many adventures that come along with being a single mom. Part of that was because I want to protect my boys. I don’t want to put anything out there that may inadvertently hurt them or embarrass them. Part of it was trying to protect myself. Opening up about the issues that one goes through can often inspire a backlash for which I started feeling ill-equipped to deal with. But it’s time to stop hiding behind that reasoning and just forge ahead for better or worse. The journey of a thousand miles…blah, blah, blah.
G sang a song in the talent show at his school this year and while we had gone back and forth over song choice, I have to say he picked the perfect song for himself. The chorus made me cry with pride as he sang it so perfectly brave and pure in front of everyone and filled me with a fervent hope that it would always be true for him. And it rings true for me now: “It’s time to begin, isn’t it? I get a little bit bigger and then I’ll admit, I’m just the same as I was. Now don’t you understand that I’m never changing who I am.” Thank you, Imagine Dragons and thank you, G, for reminding me. Even though I need to continue to grow into my best self, I am who I am. That’s not going to change. I need to embrace my thoughts and ideas and even my mistakes because they all make me who I am. If people don’t like it, well, that’s really none of my business, is it?
Onward and upward.
Our most recent adventure was graduating the 3rd grade. Yes, I know, it isn’t a real graduation. And yes, as cute as seeing a little 4 or 5-year-old in a cap and gown is, I do think graduations should be reserved for the big stuff. Or else, there will no longer be any big stuff. In our defense, they are moving into a different school (which scares the beejesus out of me, by the way, but I will write more on that another time) and so the “moving up” ceremony was warranted. It was adorable and sweet and so nice to see all the wonderful kids that my children have met and befriended over the years all with big smiles on their big day. I don’t know what the coming years will bring for all of them, but it sure was nice to have that innocent moment. They are still little kids, but they are becoming big kids on their way to teen-dom and watching them proudly get their certificates and enjoy the moment was very special.
Unfortunately, this all coincided with G getting the dreaded coxsackie virus and needing to miss many of the end of year festivities only to have him all better for the start of summer camp while C succumbed to the nasty bug and missed the whole damn week and the 4th of July. It has been a hot, cranky mess in our household. I am so grateful that I can work from home. So grateful. However, being essentially housebound for 12 days is enough to drive anyone batty.
So while (seemingly) everyone else was making plans, going on vacation and having a grand-old time for the long weekend, we were all getting on each other’s nerves. I was struck again by how lonely it can get as a single parent. Yes, I have friends and family and wonderful people in my life. But when there is no one coming home to you at the end of the day to discuss news from the outside world or to lament how sucky the coxsackie virus is (and really, what a name for this stupid virus! Not that the alternative “hand, foot and mouth disease” is any better), things can start looking a little bleak.
Luckily, I am back to work with some adult interaction. And it is SUMMER! I love summer and I missed summer and what a long, cold winter it was! I refuse to let the thoughts that are already creeping around my mind (it’s going too fast, it will be over before I know it, etc.) linger for very long. I am going to make the most of this summer. I will read and write and eat ice cream and run through the sprinkler and relish every moment. I will let the boys stay up late and get dirty and catch lightning bugs. I will plan shoestring-budget activities we can all enjoy. I will be open to the possibilities of long summer days and endless summer nights and sea and salt and sun.
I am ready for some new adventures. Can’t wait to see what life has in store for us next.