Despite my best attempts at detoxifying both my body and my spirit, I am tired. Exhausted, really. As I mentioned in my last post, I have so many thoughts running through my mind and so many tasks that remain incomplete, all I want to do is get the boys to bed every night so that I can crawl into my own nice warm, cozy bed and shut down. Or lately, I have gotten into the bad habit of “binge-watching” different television series until late at night, completely submersing myself in another world, someone else’s drama.
I just want a break. It would be so great to push a pause button on life so I could, ya know, relax, without everything falling to pieces. I’d like to be able to take a vacation where everything wasn’t piling up on the other side of that vacation. Or a few days where I just didn’t have to do anything…no cooking, no cleaning, no homework checking, no getting out the door on time, no “did you boys brush your teeth?”, no laundry, no bill paying, no having to get gas, no needing to go grocery shopping…just nothing. But then I don’t want to have to cram that whole list into the very next day either.
Basically, I need to be able to escape to an island where time stops and nobody needs me for anything and then about a week of being able to get my shit together and do all of the things I keep reminding myself need to get done and then life can resume.
Isn’t fantasy life grand?
But the reality is I am so consumed with all of the above, plus all of my responsibilities at work, that I can’t seem to cram another freakin’ thing into my day. Full disclosure: here are the top five things that I really should have completed but just CAN NOT seem to remember/make time for/cross of the to-do list.
- Super-glue my kid’s sneakers. The bottom rubber started peeling away from the tip of his sneaker ages ago. It has now become so bad that half the bottom is peeled away which he exacerbates by bending the rubber underneath his foot while he’s sitting around. Probably does it all day long at school. This is one I think about regularly when I am looking at the sneakers. But I have no glue. I remembered to think about super glue the last time I went to the store. But I forgot to buy it. At this point, I am going to have to make it a priority to make a special trip to the store to buy the stupid glue to fix the God-forsaken shoes. How do other mothers seem to be able to keep their kids in shoes without holes and parts falling off of them and I can’t manage to even buy the glue?
- Call the music instrument rental company and get a new bow for my kid’s Viola. The thing is, I did remember. I did call. And they came and switched out the bow. But then it was the wrong bow. And this is like the third thing that has gone wrong between the two instruments. It’s like I keep scratching it off my to-do list and it keeps magically reappearing. Plus, it’s one of those things that I only think about in the shower or while I am lying in bed or some other time where I can’t just pick up the phone and call. My son doesn’t remind me because he doesn’t even want to play the instrument anymore. Too bad I paid a whole bunch of money to rent it.
- Email one of my son’s teachers. I had a question about some inconsistency on his report card and I really want to clear it up. How does one get a “2” in counting and number facts and a “4” in algebraic thinking? Of course, maybe in the topsy-turvy world of Common Core math we have been living in that actually makes sense. You’d think this would be something I would just do. And yet, it’s been a week and I haven’t done it. Frankly, I’m more concerned with the scores I’m going to receive on my own “report card” at work. Hopefully, my marks will be easier to understand.
- Get my car registered and inspected. This one is sort of done now, but is an excellent example of my state of mind. In January I received the renewal notice from the DMV for my registration which expires this month. Seeing as how it is always a scramble at the last minute for me to get my car registered and inspected I thought, “I should just do it online now”. And I did. IN JANUARY! And then it came in the mail and sat in the pile of mail in the spot in the house where mail and bills and things collect (you know you have that spot, too!) Then the challenge was for me to remember to just put the sticker in the windshield. This is not a hard thing to do. But I waited and waited. Then about a week or so ago, I was headed to the garage to put some recycling in the bins. I caught sight of the sticker. I thought, “here’s my chance”. Grabbed it all, plus a bag of garbage and headed to the garage. As I was placing the trash in the bin I thought, “Geez, I am going to drop this sticker if I am not careful”. So, I put it on the hood of my car while I took care of the trash and recycling. When I was finished approximately 30 seconds later I thought “Whoa, it is cold out here”. I ran back inside. I didn’t think about the sticker again until I was in the school drop off line last Friday and I was staring at my windshield and the sticker and suddenly gasped. I actually had to order a replacement online in the eleventh hour because of that moment of brilliance. It’s like I have baby brain, except my kids are nine.
- Make an appointment with the gynecologist. I am way overdue. I need a mammogram. I need a regular exam. I need a lot of things. I can get my kids to the doctor/dentist/orthodontist, but I cannot seem to remember to just make a simple call during the day to get this all sorted out. I know this is the worst one on the list.
Maybe now that I have put it all down in black and white, I will be inspired to just get this shit done. Luckily, we have a long weekend coming up and perhaps I will be able to get the break that I am yearning for AND be able to scratch the necessary items off the to-do list. I shall consider this part of detoxifying my brain. Until then, I just need to get us to work and school with clothes on and food to eat. I figure if I set the bar there I should be able to leap over it even in my exhausted state.