The big online dating gamble

I just saw a picture of Ducky from Pretty in Pink on the Humans of New York website (one of my favorite websites of all time. If you haven’t seen it, stop everything now and go check it out. Done? ok) So, yes, not Ducky. But could be and God bless him. I think about all the people who put themselves out there for better or for worse every day. I am not that person.

I live my life, rather quietly, and it is all good.

I’ve had some dates. I’ve had some good dates. I’ve had some dates that I thought might turn into something and they didn’t. But I’m still looking for the one.

Since the boys were born, I’ve only had one real solid relationship which I won’t talk about and whose impact on us has been immeasurable.

But as a single mom, the question arises over and over…how do you meet someone?

Answer: not easily.

I’ve recently decided to throw all caution to the wind and join an online dating site. This isn’t the first time. But it is the first time that I’ve actually paid some hard-earned money to do so.

It’s early yet for the returns to be in, but this is what I’ve learned so far:

  • You get what you pay for. Free sites will get you questionable results.
  • Easy is not good. It’s better to jump through hoops to get to know someone than to wing it and hope you have something in common.
  • People are better in person. A profile will only let you learn so much. Judging people by their pictures alone will exclude a whole pool of really lovely personable humans. I shudder to think of who would “swipe right” on me for Tinder.
  • Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t settle. If you are looking for a certain type of person…they are out there. It might just take some work to find them. But it is worth it. You are worth it.

It’s hard to be a single person looking for a connection. It is even harder for a single parent looking for someone new. But life is meant to be shared. Finding someone to share it with can be super hard and I have spent a lot of time believing that if it isn’t organic, that if life hasn’t shown me this person or thrown them in my path then it isn’t meant to be. But I have decided that’s bullshit.

Life has brought me where I am. The decisions I’ve made. My desire to live near family. But I can’t believe the love of my life is going to show up at shop rite and make himself known to me (although, this darling man did give me a moment when the boys totally cut him off and I gave him a “what can you do?” sort of look and a mouthed “thank you!” as he let us pass and he rewarded me with a  kind reply : ” thank YOU for such a beautiful smile”. I was in the cereal aisle before I thought “shit!” I should have followed that man and got his phone number!) ANYWAY. That doesn’t happen every day. Or every Sunday that I go shopping or really ever, other than that one time. I’m a private(ish) person. Head down. Doing my own thing. If I don’t make a special effort to meet someone…I probably won’t.

And here’s the thing. I love the Duckys of the world. People who are unabashedly themselves. Those who show up and go for it even if the odds are against them. Those who “try a little tenderness” even if the rich guy is standing there with something else to offer.

I’m ready to find the man who can appreciate me for what I have to offer. I’m not the youngest, I’m not the prettiest, I’m not the smartest, but I’m strong, I’m unique, I’m beautiful, I’m intelligent, I’m weird, and I’m me and as far as I can tell… most men would be lucky to have me. (Most aren’t worthy of my children, but that is another post altogether)

I’m ready to roll the dice.


2 thoughts on “The big online dating gamble

    • Hahaha…intriguing isn’t the word I’d choose, but so many people ask me if I’ve tried and have also alluded to the fact that my Instagram full of cat pictures might not be the best indicator for my future of NOT becoming a crazy spinster cat lady… So I figured I’d bite the bullet 🙂 so far, so good!


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