I’d love to say that the boys and I have been on top of our game since the new year. That we are killing it with all our organization and motivation and helpfulness and being nice to one another and blah, blah, blah.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
But that’s OK because we all know I am not one for the new year’s resolutions anyway. I’m an every-damn-day resolution type girl. I guess my boys are too. Or, more accurately, they could give two flying rat tails about keeping their rooms clean, remembering their homework, and not practicing full-body takedowns in the kitchen.
I have noticed that I have done a great job of keeping my temper in check. I told the boys that I’m done yelling and screaming to try and get them to listen. Instead, there will be instant consequences like getting their video game privileges taken away. The only problem with this strategy is that as soon as they sense they aren’t going to be getting those privileges back any time soon, they do seem to adopt an attitude of “hell, I’ve got nothing to lose at this point…might as well body slam my brother into the wall for fun-sies.”
At the rate we are going, they should be able to play video games sometime this spring.
But despite my ability to not lose my shit over the daily talk-back, fighting, and volume-11 shenanigans of my sons, I am still feeling BLAH. While mopping the other day and singing along to Simon and Garfunkel’s “America”, I found myself getting teared up at the verse “Kathy, I’m lost, I said though I knew she was sleeping. I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why…”
The thing is, I do know why. First, I am desperate for some fun adventure, but I am fairly certain the only adventure in my near future is going to be to figure out how to get the remainder of my car repairs done without going broke. That, and the Cub Scout Klondike/Iditarod on February 7th which is going to be as cold and long as it sounds and is not the sort of adventure I had in mind. Second, despite feeling like this year I was ready for it, winter just isn’t my jam. This winter hasn’t even been bad, but it has only been a month. Not even a month. I’ve got two long months of winter ahead. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but the struggle is real. Third, I feel like I am stuck in the same old hamster wheel and not making any forward progress toward my ultimate goals. On the other hand, when I sit down to write after the boys go to bed, I am more likely to get stuck on a word or a thought and just say “eff it” and go to bed. So how can I complain that I am making no progress when I’d rather settle in for a long winter’s nap than actually do the work?
Oh, the contradictions!
My only hope is to set myself another challenge and hope my competitive spirit will keep me moving through the winter without wanting to do nothing but eat and sleep. What should this challenge be? If you have any suggestions for me, feel free to leave them in the comments.